18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have
By Steve Calechman, Men's Health
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
By Steve Calechman, Men's Health
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."
14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.
15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.
16. A secret handshake.
17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.
18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop…"
The journey toward true love begins within...
5 comments:
Okay I actually think the list is fair.. For a mature woman's perspective. But there are some strong particulars in there that have to be on a case by case basis.
but its workable. -Q.
I am so loving this list. A man with stamps in his passport is most def sexy, IMO, as I would HOPE this means that he is cultured and open minded.
I am really digging this list, seriously
Chile, ain't this the truth. A grown man should never have a black eye. He oughta be dead instead. LB got one good time to put his hand on me. I'm gonna blame his death on the fact that I'm in my golden years and that crown royal was talking to me.
With Love,
Mrs. Mabel
There are some items that, in my experience as a secret agent, might benefit from additional information.
1. Men participate in contact sports and / or hand to hand combat training in preparation to protect the innocent. Therefore, a black eye may happen from time to time.
3. The car should be stocked as well because one never knows when they'll be called upon for a last minute stakeout
4. Or an itchy trigger finger
7. Unless, of course, your passport was lifted on a secret mission to XXXXXX or XXXX, neither of which have stable governments. He would, however, have his passport replaced promptly.
8. Finding the right woman is better than the olympics. Now that's a dream.
12. I quote myself
13. Every covert operative must use a secret code as a regular activity. I do not know if there is a code word for ugly.
1. Never had a black eye. Well, with the exception of the natural black brown. Lol
2. I don’t get it. I don’t have it, I am sure, but I still don’t get it.
3. I am afraid I am guilty of not having an empty refrigerator I don’t cook so if I keep too much food in my house it will just go bad. Did you know that I didn’t think that eggs went bad. Boy was I wrong.
4. I love play station, but I know when to put it down.
5. No bottle opener here. I can open a bottle with my bare hands, but I don’t drink so it is a mute point. Ido have way too many keys on my key chain and that is not all that manly.
6. Never heard of a lucky shirt. I have lucky underwear though. They are not meant to be seen. LOL
7. Come on now. How many black folks have passports? Yes, I do have one.
8. Why can’t a grown man have Olympic dreams? You made this one up.
9. Wow, I totally disagree with this. Sometime I walk around with less then twenty dollars in my pocket. Hell, most times. It is not that I don’t have money, it is just that I have a begging family and it is easier to say no if I literally do not have money on me. I hate to lie. If I need cash trust me, I will have it.
10. I have never names my penis. I have just always assumed we had the same name.
11. Don’t like beer. Don’t drink this. This does not apply to me.
12. I love to quote movies. Are you kidding me. If the moment is right, the right movie quote will get the best laugh. This is one of my favorite things to do. You are so wrong on this one.
13. Never owed or wanted a futon.
14. No code words here and I like to think that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Really, I do.
15. I use to have one of these, but got over it.
16. Who has these? What men do you know?
17. My aunt use to have these. I loved them as a kid, but don’t see myself owning any.
18. I am the cop so all my stories say, “So I said to the convict….” Just kidding. LOL
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